My good (online) friend Lore Ferguson (for whose site I recently guest-posted) just had an old post of her’s published on the site The High Calling. It’s called “Sleeping Alone” and it’s some of her meditations on the sustaining life of God in her singleness.
And wow, is it amazing. It’s raw, honest, unflinching, and gracious. Read it right now and then come back here. Here’s an excerpt:
Singleness is a beautiful thing and when I take account of the past decade I see a faithfulness to its beauty in my life in a way that only comes from grace, but I also see a succession of tiny funerals every step of the way. A cemetery full of them. Adventures I have had alone. Mornings I have woken alone. Moments I have reveled in alone. Each one bringing joy in its experience and mourning in its completion.
Life is meant to be shared and marriage is not the only way to share life, I know this, but the mystery of two flesh becoming one is a mingling that cannot be known by me, with my bed all to myself, 400 thread count sheets, open window, and quiet morning. And I mourn this.
Being a single female Christian is a recurring theme on Lore’s own blog Sayable, and for those who are single, female, Christian, and/or simply human, I cannot recommend a better sojourner to have at your side than the words, prayers, and honesty of Lore.
(Really. Honestly. Go to her site right now and subscribe, bookmark, or whatever it is you do to keep up with a blog.) Here are some other amazing, like-minded posts by her:
- The one about singleness and the image of God
- The one about inconvenient virginity
- The one about looks mattering
- The one about soul pornography
- The one where Lore get married
My own history with singleness is complicated, to say the least. I’m an intimacy-whore like no other (in all relationships), and yet, it’s been a long while since I can remember feeling some sort of “pain” over the simple fact of being single. This isn’t to say that I’ve never spent significant portions of my life feeling this way (perhaps most?). The first year-and-a-half or so of this blog is a clear testament to that (I wrote a lot of craziness those first months–I’m even embarrassed that some of you might click on those links).
Sure, I’ve felt pain over specific people not wanting to date me or whatever, but I can’t remember the last time I felt a deep, abiding soul-weight over the general fact that I was single. Some may say this is because I’ve been in constant “pursuit mode” for my entire adult life, and though there may be some truth to this, the reality seems to be quite a bit more complicated.
And yet, as I read Lore’s post, I was reminded that in the busyness of my pursuits, I feel I have missed out on some of the ways God was most clearly moving towards me, strengthening me, and sustaining me. I see in hindsight that he’s been there, maturing me and drawing me (even as he hurt me), and I don’t know that I was as cognizant of it at the time as I could have been–as Lore is.
And so, all that to say, if you are currently feeling the sting of loneliness–or ever have–please read Lore’s post and may it bless you; and may the Lord use it to keep you, mold you, and draw you all the more to himself.
P.S. Lore is also a great photographer and graphic designer, so if you need some work done, contact her!
[image credit: Sheri Paredes]