I have kissed kissing goodbye . . .

Some people may have heard, others may have not, but it is true: I, Paul Burkhart, am abstaining from the act of kissing until further notice from God.

Okay, so I have been telling people that I am not going to kiss another girl until my wedding day, but every time I’ve said that, I have felt like God was kinda telling me not to phrase it that way. I have realized, rather, that God is wanting me to abstain from kissing maybe until my wedding day, maybe not, but just until further notice.

It really is getting kinda annoying all the people that just don’t believe me, or the people that will actually get IN ARGUMENTS with me over this issue. That in and of itself is kind of strange, I feel. One good friend of mine even said, “Paul, this is just crazy, you’re throwing your life away!”

So, why am I doing this? First and foremost I want to tell everyone that this is not a “right or wrong” issue with me. Jacob in the Bible kissed his wife before they were married. I don’t think it’s wrong to kiss before you’re married; thus I shan’t judge anyone Christian couple that does. I am not abstaining from kissing because I think it is wrong, dirty, or not fun. My most vivid memory from my entire life is my first kiss when I was 15. Not only is it one of the most incredible things to do, but from the feedback I’vce recieved, it is kind of a gift of my own (a little bit ‘o humor there).

There are several reasons why I am doing this; or rather, why God is telling me to do this. Because of my own struggles with lust, I have seen in myself a lack of self-control atleast mentally and in some physical situations. This is a test and exercise in self-control to refine me just that much more to be a worthy husband for my wife, conformed just that much more to the image of Christ.

Secondly, I have definitely put women on a pedestal before God, and I don’t mean “before” as in in front of Him, but rather “before” as in priorities. I think about girls, relationships, my future wife, more than I think about God. It humbles me to relaize that one of the reasons Christ never sinned was because it was simply out of character to do so because it never crossed His mind because His mind was constantly and forever on nothing else but the will of His Father, just as my thoughts should be, but are not.

Next, I really see this as a sort of fasting, except of kissing, not food. This decision has not been made in order to be held above other Christians heads, or to make me look more holy, but rather to take the focus off of worldy desires and focus completely on God, and the woman He has planned for me.

Also, I was just thinking, “if I can save my virginity until my wedding night, what is preventing me from abstaining from kissing?”

This decision also serves another big purpose that I believe God whishes to accomplish in me. If I can successfully abstain from kissing, that will pretty much eliminate the oppurtunity for me to fall into sexual sin with someone else. If you ask a Christian couple if they have kissed, then ask them if they struggle with sexual sin in their relationship, you will see more often that not that people will answer yes to both questions, or no. As Matt Robinett says, “why preheat the oven if you can’t cook the roast?” Because of the way that my life was heading, I can definitely see oppurtunities that in the next couple of months I could have taken to “hook up” with girls that I should be ministering to instead. This commitment helps maintain my witness to them and others, and keep sme from stumbling in those sins.

This will also help to keep my next relationship with a girl in a proper perspective. Inevitably, with physical manifestations of emotions, come increased emotions. The Bible says in Proverbs that “the hearts of men are wicked, and their minds decietful.” Our emotions will always lie to us, be self-serving, pleasure seeking, and not within the will of God, thus, one should not base a relationship or relationship decision on “feeling” and “emotion.” This adresses another issue that a lot of poeple have been telling me. Most people in this day and age can’t comprehend knowing how you feel about someone until you kiss them. They think that it is not until you kiss a person that suddenly your true feelings will be awakened or known to you. This just simply isn’t true.

If you think about it, what is the point of kissing in a relationship? (1)To express your feelings in a tangible physical form? (2)To foster a sense of intimacy with a person? (3)To seperate that person from everyone else because you “do more” with them than other girls? (4)To have fun? (5)To feel that little “warm fuzzy” that comes from the end of an incredible soft, deep, kiss? All of these things are completely real and necessary points of kissing – in a non-christian relationship. I will proceed to discuss each one of the numerated points above.

(1)To express your feelings in a tangible physical form
If the head of the relationship is not love itself (God and Christ), then it makes sense you will need a shallow human mode to express your feeling; you will need to kiss to create intimacy; you will need to kiss to make some differentiation between girls; you will need to do physical things to have fun; and you will need to find other ways to evoke the “warm fuzzy.” In a Christian dating relationship, on the other hand, the two people should trust God to provide the proper emotions to the proper person at the proper time, and just have faith that it is real; they don’t need to kiss to prove their feelings, they have faith in God and one another.

(2)To foster a sense of intimacy with a person
The very nature of sin seperates man from God and man from other people. Thus, when someone is a Christian and doesn’t have that sin, they have an intimacy with other Christians (and other people in general) that is like no other. It doesn’t need to be created and reinforced by physical or tangible things as it surpasses the comprehension of the world and the flesh. A Christian couple even more can feel this intimacy based on the single fact that they don’t have that seperating sin within them. It doesn’t surprise me that non-Christians would absolutely need this kind of behavior to create intimacy.

(3) To seperate that person from everyone else because you “do more” with them than other girls?
A relationship between Christians, just by very definition should be completely Christ centered and thus be different from everyone else. You won’t need to seperate this person from others because your lifestyle and behaviors will do that by themselves.

(4)To have fun
This has many possible points to talk about. First, from a secular perspective, according to psychologist Dr. William Glasser, “fun” is “the genetic reward for learning.” According to him, it is a natural by-product of learning something. If that is true, what are you learning from kissing? The shape of their mouth? Secondly, from a Christian perspective, “fun” is merely a human construct for the feeling one recieves when something is done for the sole gratification of oneself. This goes against not only the very nature of God, but also the common sense of a successful relationship. A relationship is built on self-sacrifice, not self-gratification. Not that a relationship shouldn’t be fun. I really believe that a relationship needs to be that way to survive; I’m just saying that as Christians, our definition of “fun” should be modified into something deeper than the feeling experienced when one makes out with someone. (See response to #5 below for further expoundation [is that a word?])

(5)To feel that little “warm fuzzy”
Lastly, “warm fuzzies” are just special kinds of emotions that can change with the wind just as much as anything else. (one hearkens back to the Proverbs verse: “the hearts of men are wicked and their minds deceitful”) We should trust God can and will give us God-granted and God-willed emotions. These are the only true, real, pure, and long-lasting emotions worth trusting in and enjoying. Fun also applies to this as well.

Okay, so there you have it. My decision and some of my reasons why. I am so in love with my furture wife, not only do I want to save as much for her that I can give as much to her, but part of that I know entails me become a man completely focused on God in everything I do apart from my wife as well. Bottom line: this is what God has called me to right now. It may change in a week, when a meet a girl, or get engaged, but right now, God has called me to do this, so I shall.

On a side note, it’s really not like I have a bunch of girls to kiss or anything. I really haven’t kissed that many girls (compared to the world’s standards)and I don’t want anyone to think that I have this crazy past that God is delivering me from; it’s not like that at all.

Anyway, I suppose that’s it. Please pray for me, for I know that Satan is going to throw a lot of chances all of a sudden for me to fall. Whoever my future wife is, I love you. God, I love you more.

God Bless,
— Paul<


2 thoughts on “I have kissed kissing goodbye . . .

  1. Pingback: “Sleeping Alone”: for all those hurting in their singleness… | the long way home

  2. Pingback: The Gospel Coalition & Sex as Conquest: Jared Wilson, you’re better than this {1} | the long way home

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